What I Have Gained by Faith

The last two posts I wrote were pointing out logical errors. I decided that this one should be more positive.
I love the scriptures. The Bible is wonderful to me. The more I read, the more I understand, the more I want to know. My love for the scriptures started on my father's knee. He would put my sister on one side of his lap, me on the other, and read tales from our big story Bible before he sent us to bed. I cherished those times, and loved wrapping myself up in the artwork and imagining being present for the events of the stories. When I was in 3rd grade, I went to a tiny country church and had Sunday School classes with a lovely elderly teacher named Mrs. White. Mrs White spoke of the Bible with a gleam in her eye that told us how dear it was to her. She was a wonderful woman. She cared for her ailing husband, gardened, canned things and gave food to her neighbors and the poor and needy from her produce. She always had something handy to feed guests who dropped in to talk to her because she was an excellent listener. I wanted to grow up to be like Mrs White. As I got older, I never stopped loving the Bible or wanting to know more. I read my parents' Bible study books when they weren't looking and when my mom took a Church History course, I read her textbook.
I always had a basic faith. In my late teens and 20's, I started to do whatever I felt like doing and I rationalized that it was okay. I got a huge wake-up call toward the end of my 20's. I realized then that I had been fooling myself into thinking I could be a Christian and do what I wanted without consequences. Once saved, always saved, right? WRONG! I changed my way of living completely and I wanted to live right.
When my husband and I married, we started looking for a church that we felt we could grow in. We found a medium sized Southern Baptist Church that seemed to fit the bill. For a long time, we were happy there. Then there were some major changes in the staffing. Initially we thought it would be good, but we began to see favoritism and poor judgement, especially from the children's pastor. At the same time, I was struggling because I felt there was no real call to live a righteous life coming from the leadership. I knew that there was more to it than assenting intellectually and then waiting for the trip to the great beyond. My husband began teaching Church History, then a detailed class on the scriptures. He spent a great deal of time researching the context and culture of the scriptures so that he could give his class an accurate sense of what they meant. That led him to the Church Fathers, which led him to desire a return to the Catholic Church, something he did after many conversations with a patient priest and with the pastors of our church. During the process, I became alarmed, having been misinformed about what the Catholic Church teaches. I prayed and I studied scripture. There I found the truth about Communion. I realized that the Catholic Church was the only place I could truly receive Jesus in communion and I wanted to. That Fall, we signed ourselves up for adult initiation into the church and our children into catechism classes and began attending mass every week.
I learned so much that year. The scriptures were opened to me in a new and exciting way. I felt great elation to realize that I was being asked to engage my reason in learning the faith rather than suspending reality. I began to see the interconnection between the testaments of the Bible. It was thrilling.
During Lent, I said my first confession. As I prepared for it, the Holy Spirit revealed to me things I needed to let go of to be healed. When I came out of the confessional, I was full of joy and thanksgiving. God is so very merciful! I finally believed in the deepest part of my soul that I was forgiven.
When I received the Eucharist for the first time, it was an amazing experience. I realized more than ever that Christ had come to live in me. I desired to live rightly because I loved Him more than ever. I found that as I went to confession on a regular basis, I had less and less to confess. In fact, I very rarely get further than thinking as I should not anymore. That isn't because I am something special. It's because I recognize God's grace in my life and I expect Him to help me fight temptation. He always does.
My prayer life changed dramatically since becoming a Catholic. I have a more regular and stronger prayer life than ever before. I don't need to know what to pray about, I can begin with a contemplative prayer like the Rosary and pray about what is on my heart from there. I also read the Bible more and contemplate the scriptures more. I read books that help me understand deeper truths. When I was a Protestant, Bible Study books were pretty shallow. The books written by Catholics like Fulton Sheen, Pope Benedict, Thomas A Kempis and Therese of Liseux are full of incredible depth. I find myself continually amazed as I learn more about Jesus. Every single thing He did and said was significant.
I have gained a new perspective on suffering as well. When I was going to the Baptist Church, I was made to feel as if something must be wrong with my spirituality because I had chronic pain. I knew it wasn't true, and yet it made me doubt and I became very depressed. When I started formation classes in the Catholic Church, my godmother sent me materials to help me in my spiritual growth. Two things she sent to me had a profound impact on me. One was a pamphlet that showed how to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet. I came to love that prayer. It touched me deeply and I prayed for everyone I could think of as I worked my way through my rosary beads. The second thing was a magazine. The magazine contained an article about a quadriplegic woman who offered up her sufferings for others with miraculous results. I began to pray for others, offering up my suffering for them as I prayed the Divine Mercy Chaplet. As I did so, my pain eased and my depression lifted. I could do things I had been physically incapable of before. I began to play music and sing more. I began to enjoy things more.
Soon, I was asked to help with things at the Church. I began teaching children's classes on Sunday mornings. I coordinated the parish picnic. I became a cantor.
Being a cantor was such an amazing thing for me. Singing in the Cathedral is a wonderful experience, and I have had the honor of being accompanied by the concert pianist who was my piano professor in college. That was something I had hoped to one day do twenty years earlier. I have become my true self again. I feel so free to live. I have no desire to do things that are wrong and I desire to be a better person every day.
I truly believe that every prayer I ask of God will be answered. Virtually everything I ask of God in prayer is given to me.
I share what I have learned and what I have gained every chance I get. I am truly content and happy. Faith in Jesus Christ has given me all of this.
I have passed from despair and depression to joy and hope!